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5 (Non-)Love Languages.


We know the 5 love languages (maybe?):

  • words of affirmation
  • physical touch
  • receiving gifts
  • quality time
  • acts of service

We might even know the language our significant other prefers? (Props to you if you’re 2-for-2 thus far.)

But, have we considered the importance of avoiding the unlovable opposite of each language?

They are-

  • words of nullification
  • physical neglect
  • avoiding gifts
  • absence
  • selfishly serving self

Just like we can plan, implement, and run to others who say, do, offer, accept, and serve willingly the needs of the ones they love, we can likewise steer clear of those seeking the “unlovable opposites” of this language.

Does this mean we should never give the person a chance?


But, if they have chosen (or we have) to offer only harmful words, abuse, avoidance, not being there, and/or putting ourselves first, then, we should steer clear of that scenario.

Life will be better for all, if we adhere to loving and accepting those in-need.

Do we always have a perfect track record in the love languages?


I might go 2 -for- 5 on a good day. Sometimes I don’t get any of them right.

But, as long as we are mindful of the person we love: spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, parent, then, the unlovable actions shouldn’t be anywhere close.

It’s one thing to not be a perfect 5/5 in the love language department. It’s another to be unlovable (and intentionally so).

It’s almost impossible to do good, when the other person chooses to nullify a good thing with harmful words and actions.

So, does this mean you should give up on the person choosing to go the opposite way?

Definitely not.

But, the cohesion of having 2 people trying (key word there) to meet one anothers’ needs is so much more beautiful than 1 trying and the other refusing.

Being an unlovable opposite to these 5 love languages is actually more accurately called: hate. And, of course, there’s no room for that in a relationship.

  • To affirm someone means you’ve chosen them for who they are over what they’re not. Nullification says you’re not worth it.
  • To touch someone shows that person they are beautiful to behold. To avoid them reveals dislike (to their beloved and possibly themselves).
  • To give gifts shows extravagance and love. To withhold a gift reveals a lack of worth.
  • To be present shows a compassion for that person. To not show up showcases a lack of excitement in the relationship.
  • To serve a person’s beloved is a physical expression of love. To withhold their service indicates a lack of importance.


Luckily for all of us, God loves even the unlovable moments of our lives. He chooses us even in our lowest moments.

Choose a language to improve upon today. We’ll never be complete masters of all 5 in this lifetime, but how sweet our days will be, if we improve just the slightest in each one.