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Great Vacations 101.

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That same year, 2003, provided another surprise. In addition to graduating Monticello High School, embarrassing myself in NYC, witnessing miracles in Brazil, and transferring colleges, there was another pit-stop along the way.

We have to back up between Brazil and going away to college. It was a family cruise. My family wanted to visit the Caribbean. I know. You are probably starting to wonder how one year could provide so much excitement. I was too. But, as those in baseball say, “the hits kept coming” again and again.

This one is unfortunate and less humorous than the NYC bus blunder.

It begins with a robbery.

I thought copying it down verbatim would work best. A robbery is never a fun exchange and believe it or not, I’ve been robbed 4 times already in my life. (only 2 forcefully)

(Don’t worry. It’s not contagious…I don’t think.)

But, we were on this Caribbean getaway. Mom said, “You boys be careful.” And my brother and I took off for what was known as the “flea markets” of Ocho Rios, Jamaica.

Now, this wasn’t smart. I admit it. The cruise director specifically told travelers to not venture off the main route and alerted everyone of the risks of crime. But, we were hard-headed, I guess.

Here’s my rant from Summer 2003–

“Ode to the Belligerent Jamaican man who robbed me! —

I think your country is exceptionally beautiful. Your tourism attractions are many! And the weather is always delightful. Yet, there is more than one thing I find disdainful about you. For starters, why must you rob those who visit you on holiday? I was always under the impression that tourists are welcome especially when they account for 90% of a country’s gross domestic income. Your Jamaica IS beautiful. Robbery is not. Rise above these nasty convictions and choose pleasure over greed please. Also, what is with all of the “It’s about respect, mon! Respect!” comments? Seriously, who needs confirmation that much about where respect comes from? Frankly, I’m a bit repulsed by your conduct. Jamaica was my vacation spot. Your were a native who I happened to encounter. Will you always be so outlandishly awful? If so, I do not think I will be able to visit you ever again. The conduct is so utterly despicable that I must admit my dislike for your entire island now. It is a classic case of one bad apple ruining the batch. My friend, I implore you to come to your senses. You have failed me in the past. Now, is your chance to represent your country in a NEW light. Lastly, I want to say that marijuana is not cool. You make it appear as if it is God’s gift to the world. Bob Marley was some dude who smoked it who happened to live next door to you and play music that had good grooves. Come off of your high horse, please. Drop the weed and drop my money. Embrace kindness and I might visit you in the coming years. But, you MUST realize the need for peace. And taking a poor kid’s money is just plain wrong!”

 

This piece followed our robbery. My brother and I were 2 regular Huck Finns unable to control our circumstances. Trouble knocked and we folded. I remember six guys circling around us and asking us what we wanted. My brother yelled “RUN!” (after our money was pried away), and we sprinted the whole way back to the ship.

Live and learn.

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AWESOME MUSIC!!

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Discovered something last night…

I dig Mozart.

More specifically Mozart’s Piano Concerto no. 20 performed by Qian Jiang.

I didn’t realize this until hearing (and seeing) it performed live last night by the Chattanooga Symphony and Qian.

Sure I appreciated Mozart before this. He’s one of my “fab 5” for classical music (Bach, Beethoven, Chopin, Tchaikovsky, and Mozart). But, this performance took it a step further.

I admired the blending of light and dark musical notes. The pianist, Jiang, took it to another level. A fun video of her below:

http://ow.ly/Lsoqf

Have you listened to symphony and seen a performer just skyrocket? Pianists play from memory. That’s right! No sheet music. No time for it, I guess.

Qian Jiang, of course, has played all over the world. But, my wife and I noticed how accomplishments (and accolades) went out the window when she sat down on the bench to play. She treated it like the first performance of her life. EPIC.

It was a performance like none I’d ever seen. What’s your favorite performance (band, concert, venue) of all-time?

 

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1/3 year Progress Check.

It’s April of 2015. Already.

1/3 of the year check-marked. One third!

The day after Easter on your calendar.

It seems fitting to pause, reflect on those New Year’s Resolutions (or, anything that resembles the Win/Loss column you had planned). I’m afraid to look at mine.

How can it be this far along already? I don’t even remember the gap between several feet of snow and pollen and wasps in the car. Do you?

My calendar:

 

 

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April Pranksters.

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This day, April 1, warrants the rare double blog post.

Please see previous post ‘Most Embarrassing Moment Ever’ to see other pranks.

Today–

I wanted to recall a time a co-worker gave me a good laugh.

Rewind to 2010.

I was operating as a college admissions counselor/recruiter/jack-of-all-trades for the University of Kentucky. It was a great job! I miss my co-workers there.

But one guy was especially hilarious.

Mr. Jonathan Blazejewski: veteran recruiter for southern Ohio, northern KY. 7+ years of experience inside his role for UK. Guidance counselor relationship-builder extraordinaire.

Jonathan spots me returning from one of my many eastern Kentucky recruitment trips that Fall 2010. He slyly says, “Hey Brian. I wanted to let you know that I left a message on your desk. Missed phone call.”

I staggered under the weight of 85 bags, and boxes to my oft-forgotten desk. A sticky note resting atop my laptop docking station said: “Call Don Key back at: (719) 633-9925 ASAP!”

I trusted by veteran recruiter/co-worker. We joked often, but I didn’t think he’d venture into “sticky-note” territory. (When it came to counselor comments, it had been off-limits.)

Well, I dialed the (719) area code and waited….

Ring one

Ring two

“Hello! Cheyenne Mountain! How may I help you?”

“Yes. I’m looking for Mr. Key.”

“Which department?”

“Guidance”

“I’m sorry. Did you say Assistance?”

“No. Guidance. I’m looking for…Mr. Key”

“That name doesn’t sound familiar. Are you sure–”

“My note says Mr. Don Key, and this phone number.”

“Don Key, you said?” the operator at Cheyenne Mountain responded.

Hearing her voice say those two words clicked in my head…finally! Duh!

“I’m sorry. I believe I have the wrong number,” I stuttered and hung up, like a grade-school boy trying to talk on the phone.

I proceeded to look up the phone number online and sure enough, it took me to the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo website in Colorado (an out-of-state territory I recruited).

http://www.cmzoo.org/

I had to give it to Mr. Blazejewski. He really got me good! I told him as much, and he asked if Mr. Don Key was doing well.

Well played, sir! Well played.

Happy April Fools everyone.

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Best Title Ever?

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What’s the best story title you’ve ever heard, read, seen?

One that makes you laugh, cry, hide under the covers. Maybe it does all 3 of those things. Maybe it’s one you haven’t read in a while. It could be a movie title. The name of a city you hope to visit before you die. One on your bucket list?

I’m currently working on a short story, and I’ve tentatively titled it “Lobster Meat is Sweet.” It’s silly and fun, and it makes me laugh when I read it. (Yes. It does have pertinence to the story itself.) But, that would make it even better if it didn’t have a connection.

What’s a title that cracks you up every time you read it?

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, A Good Man is Hard to Find, Brave New World, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Where are you going?, Where have you been?, The Rockinghorse Winner, The Dead, Popular Mechanics, etc. etc.

Take a stab at it! I’d love to know some of your favorite titles. There’s SO MUCH in a name!!

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Most Embarrassing Moment EVER.

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If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ve learned one important thing about me already–Awkward is my middle name.

Actually, it’s Lee. But, I could go to the courthouse and get it changed, because it would be F-I-T-T-I-N-G.

Awkward is as awkward does, yes?

From Adam and Eve grabbing fig leaves to ‘hide’ their nakedness as God approached to Kanye West at any public event where a microphone is nearby, there is awkwardness in all of us.

Flawed. Imperfect. Impure. And yet, our attempts to improve are still sometimes commendable.

It’s tough for me to pick just ONE awkward moment, but if I have to, I know which one I’ll use. (Please don’t judge me until you see me doing something like this again. Then, you have the right to call me out.)

It goes like this…

When I was 10 years old, I visited my Dad, Step-Mom, and Sisters on weekends. They lived in a small community about an hour north of Monticello. My family bonded over trips to a neighboring creek, cook outs, and the occasional drive to a movie theater in Danville. We had good times, and Dad always put me up to stuff.

I can safely say that I’ve swam with water moccasins, peed on electric fences, rode a not-so-wild boar fittingly named Wilbur, and ate muscadine grapes well before being seasonally ripe. But…none of this compares to the prank my dad put me up to Winter 1994.

He said, “Brian, I bet you won’t do something.”

Never one to back down from a challenge, I replied, “Name it.”

Dad came out with a dress, high heels, and the works.

(You’re probably wondering where this is going. I was too…)

“What’re you doing with that dress?” I asked.

“I think this would fit you,” he joked.

“Sure sure,” I played along. “The shoes might be a bit small.”

He said, “You want to play a prank on a your granny?”

(I’m not a punk, I promise. It was an experiment.)

“Just for fun,” he encouraged.

I stuttered and stammered over the next few minutes, and felt like I took all day to bite. Finally, I told him to hand it over. My step-mom said I should work on my act.

(I wanted to know just how a lady in a sundress acted. But, that was the beauty of it…I was too young to really know, or, understand any of it. Other than, my dad had dared me. And, I couldn’t refuse.)

I slipped the 1980s, floral print cotton dress over, and my step-mom playfully joked, “I’ll zip you up.”

(Now, I think about this today, and I can’t help but get embarrassed.)

The shoes DIDN’T fit. Cinderella gone terribly wrong. Horribly, frightfully wrong. But, we put them on anyways. And, this is where it gets really interesting. We drove to granny’s house (well, my step-mom’s grandma’s house…so that would make her my great-step-granny’s house…yes. I got that right.), and Dad gave me the foolproof plan. I was to march to the front door with dress, purse, high heels, even tights, lip stick, and a derby hat on, and PRETEND to be her home health nurse.

**I apologize to any nurses in advance that get bad reputations because of cross-dressing, 10-year-old boys like this one.

So…the prank started when I knocked on the door. Granny answered, and Dad waved and sped off. I remember foggily entering a warm, quaint house and being urged to sit down. She said something about taking medicines and not taking some as often as she should. (My moral compass flipped on at that point for me. Guilt. Shame. The works, for what privacy of hers I was invading.)

I started to speak. To say, “Oh that’s all right,” when, I remembered my voice was starting to change. To sound manly. So, I remember having to raise it a few octaves intentionally and coax out a few pleasantries from my vocal chords.

Longest 15-20 minutes EVER.

I said something about needing to leave. Stood, noticed a run in my tights, tried to cover it, and waddled to the front door. (I think I’d even been given a cigarette as a prop, and in my haste I’d lit it to look more grown-up.)

My final words had been, “Well, toodles,” and I actually said that to Granny, remembering it from a movie somewhere, and skipped to the car.

Granny didn’t see Dad driving the car. I found out later that she told my step-mom that her home health nurse was the most quare lady she’d ever met.

We laughed all the way back to the house. Dad took the cigarette away. I was a 10-year-old and had survived an impersonation, a mission. I was too young to be THAT embarrassed. But looking back on it now…I think it takes the cake for most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my 30 years on this planet.

(And hey, for those that knew me in high school, it wasn’t the only time I had to wear something contrary for initiation’s sake.)

Life is too short to be taken too seriously. What’s your MOST embarrassing moment to-date? We all need a laugh every once in a while.

I can safely say I’ve worn men’s clothes ever since. And, I hope to for many more years to come.

 

 

 

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Movie YOU Are Most Excited About In 2015?

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My wife loves Netflix.

I love books.

You see where I’m going with this?

Neither do I.

Oh, yes, there it is again. I wanted to ask you something…

How do you balance electronic media with everything else?

I love paper books over ebooks. (Don’t tell anyone, especially my Kindle. It gets jealous.)

It’s difficult to do 3 things at once. Have you tried to read books, watch Netflix, and discuss “the real world”? We have at our home.

I’m not gifted in the multi-tasking arena, and for anyone that knows me, they are probably shouting in agreement right now.

Stop shouting at your computer. Okay. Scrap the first question. Here’s the REAL question, because media isn’t going away, and we are all learning how to deal with its many blessings (and detriments). The question is: What’s the Movie You are MOST Excited About in 2015?

Any movie. Any genre. You won’t be ridiculed, questioned, or forced to walk the plank.

GO!

 

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One Shining Moment(s), 2015.

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The song, One Shining Moment, written by David Barrett and performed later by Luther Vandross has become synonymous with college hoops. (CBS airs it every year during March Madness.) It’s what a lot of people assimilate with the Underdog stories of the tournament. They are always special.

I have to ask: Did you catch any of the start of March Madness last weekend?

I hope you did. It’s been quite spectacular since Thursday.

If not, that’s okay. There’s still the Sweet 16, Elite 8, Final 4, and Championship in Indy before us.

(Please don’t let my basketball excitement scare you away from my posts. I promise to venture back into other subject matter…soon.)

There’s just something so contagious about filling out the brackets each year, seeing underdogs pull off upsets (‘Thank yous’ go out to yesterday’s upsets…you know who you are), and witnessing the passion with which these young players play with, knowing each game could be their last.

The example I give of a ‘shining moment’ was one you might’ve seen over the weekend. (If not, don’t let me spoil it for you.)

**SPOILER ALERT**

There was a small, unknown team by the name of Georgia State given a 14-seed and expected to play the 3-seed, Baylor, in their region’s initial round. (Before this, the head coach (and also the father of the team’s star guard, had torn his Achilles tendon during the celebration of winning a previous conference leading up to the NCAA tournament.)

Coach Ron Hunter, and his son, R.J., made magic in the initial round of March Madness by knocking off the favored Baylor, with a last-second, deep 3-pointer by R.J. The crowd erupted, the upset was made, and Coach Hunter, who was stationed on a swivel chair, applauded and leaped/fell from it to the court. With the torn Achilles (and cast) already, and the fall, there was lots of concern for the coach’s well-being, but he admitted it was excitement, he was okay.

Hunter and his son celebrated the victory and put a team on the map…literally. Fast forward to the next round, and there was a close effort against Xavier, but Georgia State fell to them. The Cinderella experience ended. But, we discovered it was about so much more. As the press interviewed Hunter, R.J. and the other Georgia State players, we saw it wasn’t about their loss or shortcomings at all. It was a season to celebrate the memories made along the way. The people around the game!

Coach Hunter’s response is best seen (rather than told) as he reacts to the year, his team, and his son: http://ow.ly/KG0TF

It’s EPIC for all the right reasons.

These things are what make the round of 68 (formerly, 64) so great. Now, we wait for Thursday’s match-ups of more evenly matched teams. But, we won’t forget the magic of the initial rounds.

They TOO are what make March special.